dumb instructions

"Warning: May contain nuts." -- On a package of peanuts.

"Do not eat." -- On a slip of paper in a stereo box, referring to the styrofoam packing.

"Access hole only -- not intended for use in lifting box." -- On the sides of a shipping carton, just above cut-out openings which one would assume were handholds.

"Warning: May cause drowsiness." -- On a bottle of Nytol, a brand of sleeping pills.

"Turn off motor before using this product." -- On the packaging for a chain saw file, used to sharpen the cutting teeth on the chain.

"Not to be used as a personal flotation device." -- On a 6x10 inch inflatable picture frame.

"Remove plastic before eating." -- On the wrapper of a Fruit Roll-Up snack.

"Do not put lit candles on phone." -- On the instructions for a cordless phone.

"Do not recharge, put in backwards, or use." -- On a battery.