Suffering from a break up

My relationship failed after 3 years because my girlfriend is not ready for us to get married yet. I proposed to her and she said no and I don't understand why. She asked me to give her time to think about about it so I gave her some space. After a few weeks with no communication she told me she's not ready yet. To my frustration, I broke up with her and cut all communication. Now it's been a month since I broke up with her and I realize that I was wrong. I shouldn't have forced her to marry me if she's not ready. I was just furious because I expected her to say yes. I know we're young but she's the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. But I think she doesn't see me as her better half and it hurts me. I want to get her back but I don't know what to do. I'm ashamed of what I've done and I'm afraid I can't win her back anymore

I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through broken. I think you just over reacted and didn't really mean to break up with her. You expected her to say yes and because she didn't you got hurt and that led you to decide to end your relationship. Saying no doesn't mean you have to part ways. Maybe she just wants things the way they are now. 3 years is a long time to spend in a relationship indeed but you don't need to pressure yourself into getting married if you're not yet ready for the responsibility. And like what you said, you're still young. Don't you feel secure about your relationship with her? How old are you if you don't mind me asking?

I'm 25 and she's 23. I think we really are too young to be married but sometimes I just feel like I have known her for a long time. It's not that I don't feel secure about our relationship but I want to be spend my life with her. I guess I was really selfish to think of my own feelings and not consider what she thinks of us getting married this young. She still hasn't responded to my emails and not returning my calls. I think I have hurt her so much that she doesn't want to talk to me at all. I'm doomed!

I wouldn't say you're doomed, Broken. It's just what you feel at the moment because your heart is bleeding. You'll be doomed if you start not feeling anything at all. Were you the forceful by the way? Have you said hurting words to her before you blurted out that you want to break things up with her? As a married woman (who doesn't agree with her husband all the time), I can well say that given the time she will give in if she still loves you. Love really does conquer all- however cliche that may sound.

Now, if she couldn't see your efforts of winning her back (given that you're doing your best to get her back that is) then there must be something else that's really bugging her that was triggered by your proposal. Communication is the key. But if she doesn't even communicate with you, it's time for you to reevaluate your feelings. We all get hurt, but we all have the ability to forgive. And for the sake of the 3 years you've been together, she should be able to forgive.

God bless.

We had a chance to talk a few days ago and she said that she's not mad but a little upset that I pressured her too much into getting married. She really isn't ready. I don't know is she will ever be ready

That's really sad. But you know what broken? Readiness is a state of mind. If you think you're not, then you really are not. I plunged into marriage without knowing what's in store for me or for my husband to be. All I knew was that it isn't going to be a smooth ride. So far though, I'm not regretting anything and I've been enjoying every bump it's bringing me.

Your girlfriend, I believe, is someone who wants everything laid out for her before she takes a step forward. It's something you should respect. You might ask yourself until when you're willing to wait for her. And you should also be asking for her time-frame. You said you don't know when she'll be ready, ask for an approximate time. If she says she'll be ready to settle down in 10 years, then reassess yourself and see if you can wait that long. If not, you might try a compromise.

The most important thing that you should consider though is that when she's finally ready, do you still want to marry each other?

Hope you'll have a day full of wisdom.

Nicely said arwen! I actually understand your girlfriend broken. I am not ready to get married too and I don't know when I will get married. All I know is that I love my boyfriend. And he respects that. You can continue loving each other without marriage. Ask yourself if you want to be with anyone else just because she's not yet ready to get married yet? You'll know what to do after that

I don't intend to be with anyone anymore. Maybe I was really being selfish. I took the situation negatively and thought that she doesn't want to marry me because of her lack of love. I was disappointed that day because I expected her to say yes. I didn't have the chance to ask her though why she isn't ready and what makes her hold back. I suppose I should find that out. However, I'm afraid of what she will say because I don't want her to say something that will hurt me more.

It may not be about you too. Do not be afraid of things that aren't there yet. If she really doesn't want to marry you because she is unsure of you yet, then I guess it's best that you know sooner than later. Do not prolong your agony and get the truth out of her. You will be at peace once you hear the truth from her. Be brave and accept whatever it is.

She may be suffering the same way you are, the pain of dealing with that loss day after day is unbearable.

I agree! She maybe suffering as well. To know what the real score is, talk to her already. Don't prolong your agony anymore. Hope everything is alright between you and your girlfriend already.

Why suffering? Life has to be goes on... Search another girl.